my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
