I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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