So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
