There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
