I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
