They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
