The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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