Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
