So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
