Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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