He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
