oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
