Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
