I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
