took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
