break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
