When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
