The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
