I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
