I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize