im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
