I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
