Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
