I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
