he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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