My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
