I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
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He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
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Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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