Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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