she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
