I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
