Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
