i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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