We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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