ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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