i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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