I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
