do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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