did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
