I am spending my child support on dildos
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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