Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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