I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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