dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
