Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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