matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
How does one acquire holy water?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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