He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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