She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
