I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
