is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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