She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
