mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
