I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
