Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
