Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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