walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
