Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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