I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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