I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i wish my penis had a tongue
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
