I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
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I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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