My underwear smells like fireworks.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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