I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
