put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
